I wish I could teleport
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We left the knife in your bed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
