when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
