Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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