Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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