haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
