I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
