its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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