You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
