we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
