I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
