I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
