i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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