I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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