I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
