My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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