Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
