Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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