I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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