Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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