listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
