She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
