Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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