the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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