She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
