Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
