she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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