I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
