i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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