i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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