i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
