Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
