I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh god it's open bar.
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