u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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