you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
