Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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