Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
