i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
