i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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