so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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