I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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