literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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