Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
