So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
