I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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