also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
