Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
