Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
