the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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