Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
