morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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