I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please come you make the beer taste better
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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