community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
