Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
