You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize