dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
