I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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