if i can run in heels then i can drive
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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