If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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