literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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