From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
