Moan for me like Helen Keller
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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