tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
