I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
