Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
