I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
