Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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