captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
