I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
