Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
