His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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