Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
