I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
