I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
