I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
