I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
