uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
