ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
