I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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