got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
